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I lied about the free space.

This is the update for this week.  Nothing stupendous, but I’ve been a little busy, and haven’t had time to find anything that really made me question my sanity for sticking with this routine of mine.

Keep in mind I have no idea of the inner machinations of creating a bingo sheet.  For all I know some of the cells in a row/column may contradict each other.  I highly encourage you to make your own, start reading porn logs, and send me the link if you manage to win.

Some things I wanna mention while I got your attention right here:

In case you haven’t realized, I try, for the most part, to keep the blog clutter-free.  I’m sure you follow enough shit that turns your dashboard into an all-you-can-eat buffet of reblogs and stuff like that, so I’m not gonna add to that.  In any case, I do get a few asks and stuff here, which I only publish if they’re super relevant to the blog itself, and even then, eh.

So I’m going to invite everyone to just send me a whole mess of whatever questions you may have about whatever, and I’ll try and make some comprehensive FAQ kind of thing so people don’t always ask the same stuff.

Additionally, you may so choose to follow my twitter, which is like, MADE for irrelevant bullshit anyway, so I may say minor stuff about the blog and upcoming reviews there (like further LIES).  You can also talk to me I guess, and I’ll be more likely to respond there than here.

So.

All right.

Stuttering Hambeasts

This was submitted to me last night.  Fic writers: take note.

This is my gift to you. Kind of.

Your name is Stutterezi Pyrope, and you are about to have the greatest experience of your life.

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Dave and Bro have some family bonding.

Let’s be real, there’s basically no way people weren’t going to ship Dave and Bro together.  They’re the only people living in their household, and one runs a porno site with merchandise strewn all about the apartment, is confirmed gay, and the other at least likes to joke about loving cock.  Add in the taboo of incest and you have yourself a winning combination for shippers and smutsketeers alike.

Well, let’s take a look at what we got.

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Apr 9

I highly encourage listening to epic fantasy/battle music whenever you are watching porn or reading terrible smut. It makes everything three thousand times as better.

Anonymous

I’ve tried but I can never hear it over the sound of my head banging against the wall.

Apr 9

Dave gives John the best birthday present since Earth’s apocalypse.

This is another submission, and it exemplifies perfectly why I need you guys to not be shy when it comes to sending me terrible stuff. This is something I would have never been able to find on my own, and it would be terrible if this had escaped my scope of vision.

I think fan fiction needs to be the kind of thing people need to have a license for, because some people are just fucking reckless with it. At least with role play logs you have the excuse of it all being done off the cuff, improvised with someone else, and for the most part not intended for an audience outside of the players. But people should have to sit down, take a class, and read a fucking textbook before they’re allowed anywhere near a fan fiction website.

Chapter 1: You Realize Other People Are Going To Read This Mess, Right?

I shouldn’t be complaining, because truly bad fanworks make my job a whole lot easier.

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Apr 4

What was the first smut you ever read? Can you even remember?

Anonymous

Like, smut in general?  God, that’s a tall order, I don’t know.  First one I can remember was years and years ago I came across some dude’s self-insert fic where he has sex with Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, and Samus Aran.  It was pretty ridiculous.  I think he included some assurance that he himself jerked off to it before putting it up or something.

My first Homestuck-related smut?  Mindfang’s journal.

Apr 4

Every time I'm feeling sad I check out your blog to see if it has been updated, and then laugh for about ten minutes like a complete idiot. I'm pretty sure your porn analysis would be funny to someone who hasn't even read Homestuck. You're the best.

Well now if I don’t update regularly I am consciously, indirectly contributing to you continuing to feel sad.

It is a cruel game you play.  Very cruel indeed.

I’ll do what I can to keep you from being sad though.

So, out of curiosity, have you ever read an rp that WASN'T terrible in every way? Have you read a roleplay that you actually thought was pretty good?

Anonymous

There are some pretty good ones but those aren’t funny to talk about.

Gamzee and Tavros in: Bros Don’t Fuck

Gam/Tav, or “PBJ” as it is also known (because every ship needs to have a punny title) is another one of those ships that there’s a lot of heat over, for some reason.  It’s one of those pairings that had a lot of backing with the only support it had going for it was they had a rap-off one time, and are pretty cool with each other.  Of course, as we all know, two characters being friendly with each other means they are in love, and thanks to Homestuck, even if they’re not being friendly you can still ship them.  But then a year later, Hussie actually shows us the rap-off and Gamzee reveals he is totally into Tav’s knob, sparking one of the most hilarious responses to any Homestuck update ever.

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New name.

Blog has officially changed names, both due to Trollmegle not being called that word anymore, and also to allow for more types of porn to talk about, such as fics and art.

Remember to submit!